I had every intention of my next MS Blog continuing to take you on the journey of what came after my diagnosis, all in a nice, neat order. As you can see, I haven’t updated this section of the Blog in a while. That’s not because there is nothing to say, there really is plenty, but more because I have been so busy actually living my life, getting on with what I need to and with what I want to, that my MS has been forced to take a back seat – exactly where it should be.
That doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been making its presence known. Oh it still reminds me, most days in fact, that’s it’s there. There is usually something. Nobody would know unless I tell them, but it’s there. I just haven’t focused on it or allowed it more time or attention than it deserves.
I told myself that I need to add a Blog to the MS section of my site…I’ve gone way ahead with the Walking & Hiking Blogs and the Dear Diary Blogs, but somehow halted with the MS ones. So, agreeing with myself that I need to do it, I promptly went ahead and did everything I could to avoid it!
Until now…
Digressing slightly, the other day I was told about a documentary film and advised to watch it. It’s called ‘Heal’ and currently (at the time of writing this Blog) it’s available for free on Amazon Prime. It’s described by Amazon as, “A documentary film that takes us on a scientific and spiritual journey where we discover that by changing one’s perceptions, beliefs, and emotions, the human body can heal itself from any dis-ease.” (That’s dis – ease).
‘Hmmm’, I thought sceptically. ‘Here we go…’. I try to be open and accommodating to these types of films and documentaries, as well as to new beliefs but I’m never sure if it’s really going to be for me. I usually feel my back going up, suspecting someone, (someone who has never experienced Chronic illness, none-the-less) is going to tell me how my illness is firstly all my fault or that it doesn’t actually exist or that I can cure it completely by eating a leaf of lettuce, praying to the Gods whilst standing on one leg, every time it rains on a Tuesday, yada yada…
The difference in this particular situation is that I implicitly trust the judgement of the person who recommended this video to me. I also trust in the path that I have become in tune with. So, on a day when for whatever reason, I just couldn’t settle – I didn’t want to write, I didn’t want to study writing, I didn’t want to Blog, I didn’t want to read or to watch mindless TV. I didn’t know what to do with myself or why I felt this way – I decided that the thing (the only thing!) that I did actually feel like doing, in fact was pulled towards, was to watch this video.
OH MY. I’m so glad I did! I urge you, take a look at it. Whether you suffer from MS, or any other chronic condition or even if you don’t suffer from any ailments at all…still take the time, watch the video!
Personally, I’ve always had a relatively positive mindset since getting my diagnosis. I think I was just so glad to be able to put a name and a reason to what was happening to me. Sure, receiving the confirmation was a shock and yes, I cried (lots) and yes, I spent the first few weeks after my diagnosis, fighting the immense panic that consumed me in waves without warning. But surprisingly, it didn’t actually take me that long to start to see some positives shining through. I think it felt like those positives were actually my lifelines at the time, beacons that I could cling to during what was the scariest of storms.
I called them my ‘at leasts’;
“Well, at least I was lucky enough to have received a confirmed diagnosis and real answers.
At least all of my symptoms were related to the same illness. Everything I’m experiencing is all due to one thing and not a web of different things.
At least MS can now be managed here in the 21st century, even if it cannot yet be cured.
At least, (oh at least!) this relapse HAS got better! Only treatable symptoms remain and for that I am so grateful and so lucky.
At least there are medications available to me to ease and delay any future relapses.
Oh! And how lucky are we to have the NHS system in the UK? With the icing on the cake that my medication for this particular disease is free of charge.
How awesome is it that I have a supportive and dedicated MS Nursing team along with not one, but two Neurologists who are great and that both actually specialise in MS too?
At least I have a job that allows such a great flexibility and support to suit my new needs.
Then there’s my personal support; the truly wonderful family and friends in my life that listen, care, help and love me.
My husband, oh I’m so lucky to have him on my team, the most supportive and understanding partner by my side, holding my hand every step of the way. At least he’s here, thank goodness for him.
Most importantly, I recognised that I am able to apply positivity to my situation to aid my recovery! I recognised that my own mind is a powerful tool.”
There may be people reading this and thinking ‘well good for you, it’s not like that for all of us. You were lucky, but I’m not.’ Well, I really do think it all depends upon how you look at things. I mean, define ‘Lucky’. If you want to look only for the negatives, then they will throw themselves at you in abundance. You’ll see them everywhere and their cloud will block out anything else.
However, if you choose to apply gratitude, if you choose to engage your mind and your soul with the physical of your body, then you can choose to change your outlook.
I felt beyond grateful, and still do, that over time, that relapse got better. Because it did! It took a good while, but things got better, slowly, I recovered. No matter how I may feel on any given day, whether it’s great or whether I’m struggling, I keep in mind, ‘at least I don’t feel as bad as I did during the hell of that relapse’. And there’s a reasonable chance that I never will again, because for all future relapses, I’m already diagnosed. I don’t have to through that process again. Myself and my medical team know what it is I’m dealing with. Steroidal drugs are available if needed to help control and minimise the effects of any new relapses. That’s a gratitude that stays with me every single day! Along with the lesson that time passes. I was diagnosed with ‘Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis’ which means exactly that, I may go through a period of relapse, but then I will also go through remitting times too. For me, that translates that the sun does shine again after the rain. The onward forecast is then always as sunny as you want to make it. Nobody has those guarantee’s, with or without MS, nobody knows for sure what their future looks like. It’s our own freewill to decide to approach that in whichever way we choose.
Being so unwell and receiving my diagnosis highlighted to me just how precious life is. It was a massive wake up call. How quickly life disappears, how much time we waste, how rapidly things can change and therefore how important it is to make the most of each precious day. The film Heal talks better than I can about the mind, body and soul connection and most importantly it explains with scientific fact behind those connections.
It’s not my fault that my body got sick. It’s not your fault. Nobody in the film says it is. It’s nobody’s fault, but there is interesting evidence out there linking the mind, body and soul with many chronic conditions, that I found fascinating.
As invaluable as our physicians and pharmaceuticals are and as privileged as we are in the western world to have them, what if we allowed ourselves to be more open to other possibilities as well? Possibilities that still work in harmony with our Dr’s and our medical practises and that could give us the very best chances for quality of life and even for survival? Why is it that we scoff? What do we have to lose by trying?
Every day, I take a Disease Modifying Drug (DMD) for my MS and for four years, things have been going well and I’ve had no full relapses. But what if that result is not the full picture of possibility? What if the medicines we’ve come to rely on can sometimes complete the picture for us but actually so often, still leave so much of the puzzle still missing?
What if we layer onto that medication (or can even in some cases, leave out the medication completely?) with;
A healthy diet, foods which actually nourish the cells within our physical body – yeah, people bang on about that everywhere you turn, right? Well, turns out that’s for a reason!
A mind which is at peace and full of genuine gratitude for life. Your mind tells your body that something hurts and it hurts. Your mind tells your body that something smells nice or feels nice, then it smells or feels nice. Why not harness that power? We all hold it.
A spiritual connection which respects that actually, we are all moving atoms, all part of something far bigger and greater than we can see with our physical eyes, or even comprehend with our minds. Just because we cannot see something, does it mean it’s not there?
I question why, as the most intelligent life form on this planet, have we become so afraid to open our minds to possibilities? The way I see it, there is nothing to lose by extending our understanding, by listening to those experts in the video, accepting the evidence before us and living our lives using ALL the resources available to us. Don’t get me wrong, I am not full of false hope and false promises, but in taking full responsibility for my own life, I figure have absolutely nothing to lose by trying all approaches available. If it doesn’t help, then I’m no worse off, right? Worse case scenario is I’ve just lived a happy, fulfilled life with gratitude, love, healthy foods and a healthy mind.
But if it does work, if there is something in it…if truly engaging my mind, my physical body and my connection to spirit all together, actually helps to reduce my MS relapses and even the damage done so far, well, surely that’s worth it?
What I accept, is that it’s likely Multiple Sclerosis will always be a part of my life to ‘whatever’ degree. But I will never allow it to become my whole life. There is a saying amongst those with MS which resonates with me more-so now that it ever has;
“I may have Multiple Sclerosis but Multiple Sclerosis will never have me”
Watch the video – if nothing else, the Blog will make more sense:
“Heal” – featuring Dr Deepak Chopra, Dr Joe Dispenza, Anita Moorjani, Kelly Brogan MD and many more.
1hr46 mins.
Amazon Prime
With special thanks to Wendy Fell – A Magical Midlife.
Join me on Facebook, Insta or Twitter to be notified when new blogs are released!
